Category Archives: What is this I don’t even

My Buddy, Where I Go, He Go

The quest line Visage of the First Wakener takes you on an adventure that eventually gets you a new appearance for Skull of the Man’ariThal’kiel’s Visage.  He’s a chatty fellow, but also, with his new fleshly accoutrements, He’s quite the expressive fellow.

There’s the yawn.

Screenshot 2017-10-28 08.52.46.png

There’s the slack-jawed yokel.

e

There’s the yawn.

Screenshot 2017-10-28 08.52.56.png

Okay, you know what? He’s actually kinda rubbish. All that’s missing is a string of drool hanging off his chintacles.  Let’s “face” it – he’s ugly with a capital UG.

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Counting to 18

The other day, while levelling my Monk, I logged out without first mogging her booties.

As you’re aware, Gnomes have only four fingers per hand. This is deemed normal.

But her bare feet revealed unto me an oddity.

Toes

Count ‘em. Ten little toesies.

I’m sure I’m not the first to notice, but this is my first time, and it’s weirding me out.

The New Hotness

As countless happy people log into the beta, I’m sitting  here looking at a bog standard login in battle.net. But there are compensations.

Once again, our internet angel Vidyala has reached out and provided me with a reason to be of good cheer, in this case a most excellent commission of myself and my favorite pet, Bumbles, in our favorite hunting grounds. She hadn’t been taking commissions, but for some odd reason accepted my moniez in exchange for this awesome artwork. As you can tell, no matter the price, I came out on top in this exchange.

I am not here to brag on my good fortune, but merely to a) explain why this image may appear in the headers from now on (it will), and b) to sing the praises of all things Vidyala.

And now, prepare to bask in the magnificence of my turbulence.

Grimm_full_resolution

Thanks, Vid! As always, it is a genuine pleasure!

WoW 7 Reveal LEAKED. You won’t believe what they have planned!

Our Leper Gnome spymaster at Blizzard has plumbed the depths of the Blizzard Corporate SharePoint server and mined data relevant to our interests. Now, I admit that Dave Kosak’s not super-high up on the corporate ladder, but his account was easiest to breach (Really, Fargo – “flintlockeRulz0rz?” Lame password, dude, guessed it on my third try.) and was stuffed to the gills with intelligence, or what passes for intelligence in Fargo’s neck of the woods.

Presented without further comment: the new expansion.

carnak the magnificentDungeons

  • Pretty much everyone agrees that Blackrock Depths was the most awesome dungeon EVER. We agree! Starting in this expansion, EVERY dungeon is BRD!  Even the old expansions! The way it works is this: any time you enter a dungeon, you’ll be ported to BRD. Cool, eh?

Raids

  • Pretty much everyone agrees that Karazhan was the most awesome raid EVAR. We concur! Starting in this expansion, almost EVERY raid is Karazhan!  Even the old expansions – except Draenor, in which the raids are all Karazhan with more spikes!
  • New endgame raid. This raid will consist of five wings. The first four rings are Blackrock Depths. The final ring, with the new endgame boss, will be Karazhan.
  • New end boss: Khadgar! Everybody agrees, Khadgar is unusually spry and has been acting very unusual for a twenty-year-old man trapped in an old man’s body. Clearly, he’s up to no good!
  • Raid difficulties were getting out of hand, so we’ve simplified the whole thing. Raids are now available in two flavors: L33t (40-man, Heroic difficulty) and N00bsauce (10-man, LFR-difficulty).  All Noobsauce instances will have zero boss mechanics – every fight is Patchwerk!  We also put a healing dummy in each room for the healers to keep alive, so they don’t feel left out.

Game Features

  • Dance Studio has been implemented for battle pets.
  • The game will feature a Glitch / Techo soundtrack produced by Daft Punk.
  • A new continent has been discovered south of the equator. Oddly, it is the same size as all the northern continents combined. Nobody can explain why nobody noticed it before, but mist is suspected as somehow being largely responsible.
  • New race: Mega Orc: Large Orcs. With Spikes REALLY large Orcs. REALLY large spikes.
  • New race: Murloc! You’ve been secretly wanting to play these for the last 10 years. Live the dream!

Factions

Alliance

  • Varian Wrynn has been elected Warchief of the Horde by a huge margin.
  • Anduin Wrynn has been coronated King of Stormwind and appointed head of the Alliance.
  • However, he does not get leadership of the Alliance by default.  Moira Thaurissan attempts a coup! When the coup fails, she falls back to Shadowforge City.
  • The expansion will open with a pre-launch event as Moira attempts her coup and falls back to Shadowforge, and the players must enter Blackrock Depths to bring her to justice!
  • Malfurion falls asleep. Nobody knows where. This will form the basis of a dungeon based on the Emerald Dream. The event will take place in Blackrock Depths.
  • Velen isn’t dead. He’s just really tired after defeating the Balrog. He’s hanging out at the Grim Guzzler in Shadowforge City.
  • Jaina dumps Kalecgos and moves in with Yrel in a cozy apartment in Dalaran, where they open a private investigation service. It’s awesome.
  • Fargo Flintlocke has been elected by unanimous consent as King of Ironforge, for some reason (note: this was in the margins of the documents we found, and we’re not entirely sure it’s canonical.)

Horde

  • Orgrimmar has been equipped with more spikes.
  • The Forsaken have relocated to Northrend.

 Other

  • DHETA has set up an outpost and offer a bounty for dwarf ears and beards.
  • The Tauren have formed a new faction with the Worgen and Pandaren, because they can’t stand any of you.

Player Classes

  • New player class: Melee Hunter. Two specs – Healy and Hurty. Healy can tame exotic pets, such as Spirit Beasts.
  • Level Cap has been raised to 120. Normally it would be 110, but we’re going to pre-nerf the leveling experience so we don’t forget to later. Therefore, we’re giving you 20 levels to enjoy the leveling grind.
  • The Talent “Tree” has been further simplified. We’ve found that three choices are too confusing to many players (not looking at you, Fire Mages. Totally not looking at you.). So we’ve reduced each tier down to two choices and named them more descriptively. For example, the Warrior tier 3 talent choices are now “More hurty” and “More angry”.
    • The exception is Druid, which has gone from four specs to five. See below.
  • Weapon mechanics will be revamped and simplified. Examples: Defendo warrior carries Sword and Board. Hurty Priest carries Club. Healy Priest carries Staff. Warlock carries Staff. Hunter carries Boomstick. Monk carries Cudgel.
  • New Druid form: Furby. Like owlbeast, but more fun with children.

Professions

  • All crafting mats have been super-simplified. There is now only one kind of mat for each profession. For example, instead of 130 different herb types, now all herb nodes in all worlds past, present, and future, will yield one kind of thing – “Flower”. Same for mining – “Metal”, leatherworking – “Leather”, tailoring – “Cloth”, and enchanting – “Magic shit.”
  • Jewelcrafting has been deprecated and will be deleted in the next expansion after this.
  • All crafting professions are merged into one. To make items, you have to use bits of the various kinds of items you can gather. For example, a robe might be consisted of “Flower” and “Cloth”. Likewise, shoes would require “Leather” and “Metal”
  • All gathering professions have collapsed into one – “Gatherer.”
  • Cooking has been removed. Roving taco trucks have everything you need.
  • Fishing is now a gathering profession for Archaeology.

The Great Rare Experiment

If you’re like me, you have an addon that lets you know when a rare NPC appears in your vicinity, such as NPCScan.  I’m not into killing every rare that appears on my scope, but I’m always on the lookout for special ones such as Time Lost Proto-Drake or Poseidus, both which drop unique mounts.

Achievements add another layer to the activity. There are at least three achievements in Pandaria that require killing all of one or another type of rare NPC … in the case of this one, ALL of them.

Perhaps I’m mistaken, though, but Pandaria is also where we started to see Neutral Rares … in most of these cases they are friendly or neutral humanoids – Pandarens, Jinyu, and Hozen.

Now, it’s one thing to kill a hostile … it’ll attack you given the opportunity. Or if it’s a neutral of a normally hostile race or faction, for example a Tauren as seen by Alliance.

But Pandaren and Jinyu are usually friendly, don’t attack on sight, and are generally just minding their own business when BANG! Some huntard comes along and puts a bullet in its head!

(I’m ignoring any implied commentary on mogging here.)

Now, I ask you: is this the action of a good person?  I mean, what if they were random Night Elves, Dwarves, and Worgen scattered over Kaz Modan? Has the act of PK’ing *ever* been considered anything other than evil?

It’s so obvious when you see it: achievements are evil, in that they make us do evil things to get them.

Might as well add one for killing your own faction leaders in a raid, while you’re at it.

I’d be a lot less annoyed at this if there were obvious penalties – such as a loss of rep with the relevant factions.  But, just like the undead invasion at the start of WotLK, Blizz has copped out and refused to attach any real consequences to actions that would otherwise be considered immoral or evil.  I guess if it’s "cool" it’s okay, right?

To date, I’ve avoided killing any of the relevant rares that are neutral. It’s simply too far out of character; it breaks immersion.  None of my toons are the sort of people that would go out and kill a non-hostile for no good reason, and something as meta as an "achievement" is no good reason.

I have a strong suspicion that there will be more of this to come in WoD. I’m pretty sure I won’t like that, either.  But I’d love to be wrong.

So this happened

Well, we thought we had a handle on healers, but our guild ended up being so hard up for one that I got dragged back into the sunlight again. So I’ve been Atone-ing my little elvish ass off and sweating like a software engineer at a mixer party, but not having much time to hit the Island of Mucho Loot (The Elvish name is untranslatable).

So I replaced my iLevel 450 shoulders tonight. And this happened.

Better late than never

Cataclysm. Or, as I like to call it, The Long Hangover.

Everybody does search terms

I love it when bloggers post search terms that brought people to their website, and express awe / incredulity / outrage / amusement at the outlandish terms that often bring people to them.

But what of the spammers?  Nobody loves them, and yet they submit such masterful examples of the language – whatever it might be.

So, to be different, let’s share.

 

I do not even know the way I ended up here, however I believed this put up was once great.

Yes, our heyday is long past, and now we’re wallowing in mediocrity.

 

I do not recognize who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already. Cheers!

I once almost met BRK in real life, this is true.  Perhaps there is another famous blogger I will go to someday. Ratters, you up for a double date?

 

This write-up very pressured me to check out and do so!

That write-up pressured me to check out as well.

 

Your writing style has been amazed me.

Again, clearly we’re past our prime.  All but called has-beens!

 

You recognize therefore significantly with regards to this topic, made me in my view imagine it from numerous various angles.

I am imagining several angles as well, trying to parse this one.

 

Your individual stuffs excellent. At all times handle it up!

If you don’t handle it up, you won’t get gas.

 

I am sending it to some pals ans also sharing in delicious. And obviously, thank you to your sweat!

My sweat says "your welcome".  My sweat is trolling.


I’ve added a rotating wall of spam to the blog. Don’t tell Grimm, let’s see how long it takes him to notice!

This is either ironic or the Best Thing Ever

Grimmtooth hit level 90 in the Wastes.

Jasra hit 90 while flagging goat turds.

Flora hit 90 while flagging goat turds.

I hit 90 turning in the goat turd quest.

I think Blizz is having a little fun at our expense, in response to our complaints about poop quests.

Well played, Blizz.

But remember: he who lives by the goat turd, dies by the goat turd.

A tale of two trailers

Today, Blizzard released two trailers for our enjoyment.  The first, for WoW Patch 5.2.

I wanna make one observation.  The voice of the narrator is the same horrid, insulting mock-Chinese that we’ve heard elsewhere.

Not actually Chinese

Yeah, that’s them.

So George Lucas gets all sorts of hate and grief for using these stupid racial stereotypes, but Blizzard gets s free pass? Guys?

Can we move on from this crap?

Maybe this guy can report it for you when it happens.

Any comparison of Blizz's cultural aesthetic and southern states just now abolishing slavery is purely coincidental.

The other trailer is for Starcraft II: Heart of the Swarm.

So, can someone tell me why Sarah Kerrigan still wears high heels into battle? Can somebody explain to me why her mutated Zerg form also has high heels? Can somebody explain to me why all the guys are wearing tank-grade armor while she’s in form-fitting catsuit armor?

Much work, still to do.

Don’t look at me that way

I can’t help it.

I literally cannot focus on anything else while one of these are around.

Can you see it?

minimap 1

No? Look closer.

minimap 2

Yeah.

There’s a quest nearby.

And I can’t just go about my business until I find it and get the quest.

So what is it?

stupid pumpkin

Oh.

Stupid pumpkins.  NOT INTERESTED.

But …

I CAN’T GO ON WITHOUT GETTING RID OF THAT EXCLAMATION POINT!

/sigh.

/click.

stupid candy

Stupid candy.

What

DON’T JUDGE ME!

You do what you have to do to get the job done.