Banned from Shattrath

There is a certain song famous throughout the con / filking community that lends itself to … creative re-purposing. And thus we arrive at this moment of recursive filking. I regret nothing.

Original song copyright © 1977 by Leslie Fish
Copyright assigned to Random Factors

With apologies to Leslie Fish, who, most likely, understands perfectly.  And grateful hugs to Mrs Grimm, who inspired this whole sorry affair.

=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=

When we zoned into Shattrath in need of R&R

The crew set out checking out every joint and bar

We had high expectations of their hospitality,

But found too late it wasn’t geared for raiders such as we!

Chorus

And we’re banned from Shattrath, everyone.

Banned from Shattrath, just for having a little fun.

We spent a jolly time there for just three days or four,

But Shattrath doesn’t want us any more.

 

The Raid Lead’s ((Orvillius used without permission.)) tastes were simple, but his methods quite complex.

We found him with five partners, each a different faction and sex.

The Vindicators were on their way – we had no second chance!

We ported him out in the nick of time – with the remnants of his pants!

And we’re banned from Shattrath, everyone.

Banned from Shattrath, just for having a little fun.

We spent a jolly time there for just three days or four,

But Shattrath doesn’t want us any more.

 

The Dwarves would yield to none at putting down the brew.

They out-drank seven Kor’kron and a goblin Zepplin crew!

The Rogue also didn’t win, but he out-drank almost all.

And now they’ve got a Chopper on the roof of Khadgar’s Hall!

And we’re banned from Shattrath, everyone.

Banned from Shattrath, just for having a little fun.

We spent a jolly time there for just three days or four,

But Shattrath doesn’t want us any more.

 

Our proper, cool Paladin got hammered on something green,

And hauled into an alley, where he suffered things obscene!

He sobered up much later and he’s none the worse for wear.

But every time he dons his pants, he starts to cuss and swear!

And we’re banned from Shattrath, everyone.

Banned from Shattrath, just for having a little fun.

We spent a jolly time there for just three days or four,

But Shattrath doesn’t want us any more.

Our Warlock disappeared awhile in the Demonic Bazaar,

buying an odd green potion “guaranteed to take her far.”

She came home, having grown horns, and an oddly cheerful heart,

and a painful way of walking with her feet a yard apart!

And we’re banned from Shattrath, everyone.

Banned from Shattrath, just for having a little fun.

We spent a jolly time there for just three days or four,

But Shattrath doesn’t want us any more.

 

Our quiet, bookish mage, well she won a  little bet,

by getting into the city’s portal teleportation net.

Now every time she makes a port to Shattrath, as you see,

The flesh gets there, but the clothes they wear, are nowhere to be seen!

And we’re banned from Shattrath, everyone.

Banned from Shattrath, just for having a little fun.

We spent a jolly time there for just three days or four,

But Shattrath doesn’t want us any more.

 

Our priest loves all Humanity, her private life is quiet

The Vindicators took her in for a Lower City riot.

We found her in the city jail, coughed up and bailed her out –

intact except for a funny limp, and a tendency to shout!

And we’re banned from Shattrath, everyone.

Banned from Shattrath, just for having a little fun.

We spent a jolly time there for just three days or four,

But Shattrath doesn’t want us any more.

 

Our Druid loves exotic plants – the plants all love her, too.

She took some up to the Scryer’s Tier and we wondered what she’d do.

‘til Voren’thal the Scryer called, and swore upon his life

that a gang of plants entwined his house and then seduced his wife!

And we’re banned from Shattrath, everyone.

Banned from Shattrath, just for having a little fun.

We spent a jolly time there for just three days or four,

But Shattrath doesn’t want us any more.

 

A gang of Hordies landed ((May or may not resemble actual Hordies.)), and nobody seemed to care.

They stamped into The World’s End to announce that they were there.

The raiders were all busy there, and invited them to play,

But the Hordies only looked at them, and turned and ran away.

And we’re banned from Shattrath, everyone.

Banned from Shattrath, just for having a little fun.

We spent a jolly time there for just three days or four,

But Shattrath doesn’t want us any more.

 

Our team is Stormwind’s Finest, and our record is our pride.

And when we play we tend to leave a trail that’s pretty wide.

We’re sorry for the wreckage and the riots and the fuss.

At least we’re sure that Shattrath won’t be quick forgetting us!

And we’re banned from Shattrath, everyone.

Banned from Shattrath, just for having a little fun.

We spent a jolly time there for just three days or four,

But Shattrath doesn’t want us any more.

Advertisements