We’ll check back every millennium or so

Son, I must be off to the Firelands. Look after things while I’m gone.

Father, why do the Firelands keep burning?

Well, son, it’s not the same kind of fire like we have in our fireplace. If it runs out of things to burn, it just keeps burning. It’s a special fire, from the elemental plane of Fire.

But what kind of fire is it that doesn’t burn out?

Well, son, you’re too young to understand this, but some day you will encounter Nerdrage. Nerdrage is the fire that burns with or without actual cause or fuel.

But what is Nerdrage, father?

Nerdrage Is. It cannot be categorized or compartmentalized. It is something that must be experienced to be understood. Nobody can tell you what Nerdrage is. They can only know it.

But how will I know it, father?

I cannot tell you, my son, but when it happens, you will know. Perhaps it will be at Comicon, waiting in line for a six-ounce Mountain Dew Zero. Perhaps a Blue post about PvP trinket cooldowns. Maybe a press conference about Blizzard’s new FPSRPGMMO’s ERP toolset. Whatever it is, when the flames burn – you will know.

I will set fire to the land?

No, my son, that is not how it works.

But you said the Firelands was caused by Nerdrage, father.

Yes, my son. That was very special Nerdrage.

Who’s Nerdrage was it, father?

Nobody you or I know, my son. The wise men have pondered for many years, and determined that the fires started with nerdrage on another planet, in another dimension, in the year 2011, in a place called Dirt. Or Earth. Something like that.

They sent Nerdrage at us across dimensions?

:: chuckle :: No, my son, I do not believe they meant to do that. It just … happened. Such is the way of Nerdrage.

When I grow up, I want to send my Nerdrage back at them, for setting fire to the Firelands.

Warlock.

Father?

I think you may grow up to be a Warlock. You appear to have a natural tendency.

Wow … I should go study!

:: child runs off to tell his mom he’s going to be a Warlock ::

Yes, son. Study well. I shall see you soon.

The doughty warrior shouldered his weapons and set out towards the portals. Farming the Firelands wasn’t easy, but it was reliable. Light bless those nerds.

Firelands

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Posted on August 2, 2011, in Bad RP, Meta, Storytime. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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